


The Only Difference Between Lovers and Actors is Feelings

by bang-the-smoke (708_things)



Series: Bandom Oneshots [3]
Category: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Actors AU, Complicated Relationships, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, M/M, Unrequited Love, supportive friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-29
Updated: 2019-11-29
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:01:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21599605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/708_things/pseuds/bang-the-smoke
Summary: Ryan Ross and Brendon Urie are the two leads of a play involving a homosexual relationship. Meanwhile, Ryan hides his feelings for Brendon, who is taken.
Relationships: Brendon Urie/Dallon Weekes, Patrick Stump/Gerard Way, Ryan Ross/Brendon Urie
Series: Bandom Oneshots [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1556635
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	The Only Difference Between Lovers and Actors is Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> published: January 2018

"But my parents," Brendon's voice cracks. "T-They don't want us together."

"So what?!" Ryan hysterically exclaims, grabbing his arm. "Don't you love me?"

A tear rolls down Brendon's face. "I do," he whimpers. "I swear I do."

"Then it shouldn't matter," Ryan says fiercely. "Love is not a choice. We deserve to be happy together."

Then both of them are sobbing, and Brendon leans in to kiss him. Ryan feels his heart race. He lets himself get absorbed into the kiss.

"And.. CUT!" The director shouts, standing up from his chair. "Nice job, guys. It all went perfectly except for the kissing scene. It still doesn't look natural."

Brendon steps away and huffs, crossing his arms. "Fine, we'll practice later."

"Good," The director remarks. "Alright, all actors for scene two of this act, please come out and present the scene!"

Brendon and Ryan go backstage. Brendon takes off his outfit for the play to reveal his casual clothes.

"I am so tired of this production," Brendon grunts.

"Really?" Ryan asks, "I thought you liked being the center of attention."

Brendon's fists tighten. "Not when I have to act gay with you, Ross," he sneers.

Ryan snorts, grabbing a rag to wipe his face. "Act gay," he smirks. "Right."

Ryan knows Brendon's rolling his eyes without even looking. "Fuck off," Brendon mutters.

"I think the director would rather we fuck on," Ryan retorts, turning to face the fuming man.

Brendon huffs before grabbing his things. "Have a good day, Ross," he says, storming off.

Ryan watches him leave before grabbing his things and leaving, his shoulder slumping with disappointment.

\---

Ryan calls his friend Gerard later that night, feeling the need to express his situation with a friend.

"What's the problem?" Gerard asks when he answers the phone call.

"Why do you assume there's a problem?" Ryan questions.

"That's normally why you call me," Gerard replies. "Or for a casual blowjob."

Ryan snickers. "A problem would be involved in both cases. But what if I was asking for a blowjob?"

"I'd have to say no," Gerard answers. "I have a boyfriend now, and I honestly think he's the one."

"Really?" Ryan asks, raising an eyebrow. "I never thought you'd settle down. What's he like?"

Gerard giggles. "His name's Patrick," he says dreamily. "He's a real innocent cutie. He's in a band with some of his friends and he's just such a good guy."

"Wow, you're really digging him," Ryan replies, after getting over the initial shock of his friend being so dreamy over a guy.

"You'd like him," Gerard says. "Anyway, what's the problem? Is it about a boy?"

"Kind of," Ryan admits. "You know that play I'm in?"

"The gay one?" Gerard asks.

"The very same. I think I like the other lead actor."

"That's great!" Gerard cheered, happy that he has found someone. "You won't be lonely anymore!"

Ryan bites his lip. "Not exactly. He hates me, and also has a boyfriend."

Gerard pauses. "Oh," he says.

"Yeah, oh," Ryan mocks. "He's pretty happy with his Instagram model boyfriend."

Gerard snorts. "Instagram models don't count. What's the boyfriend like?"

"He's tall like a giraffe," Ryan answers, before pausing. "And Brendon talks about him backstage sometimes... It gets on my nerves."

"I see," Gerard says. "Well, I wouldn't advise you to try to be a home wrecker. I'd recommend trying to get over your feelings."

Ryan growls. "I can't, because of the stupid fucking production!" he exclaims. "We have to pretend we're dating, with kissing scenes and everything, and I just..." His tone softens as he sighs wistfully. "I wish it was real. I wish those kisses were real, but then the director cuts and he practically stomps away from me."

"Oh, Ryan," Gerard whispers sympathetically. "Why didn't you leave the production before you were in this deep?"

"I don't know," he looks down at his feet. "I think I convinced myself that I felt this way because of the acting. As if I made real feelings occur just so I could do the play better."

"Look, here's what you do," Gerard confidently stated. "Find someone else to distract yourself. Make sure you don't lead them on though. Maybe try to make Brendon jealous, but if it doesn't work, just keep focused on the new person."

"But the production just strengthens my feelings," he whispered weakly. "What can I do?"

"One day the play will be over," Gerard reminds him. "Soon, actually. After that, you can find and try to date any guy you want. Maybe find your own Instagram model."

"Gerard," Ryan laughs. "My standards aren't that low."

Gerard laughs. "Are you sure?"

"Enough with my romance problems," Ryan says. "Why don't you tell me more about Patrick?"

Gerard perks up. "Sure," he chirps excitedly, reminding Ryan of a puppy.

Ryan lets him ramble on and on about his boyfriend and it makes Ryan ache. He wishes someone loved him the way Gerard loved Patrick. He wishes Brendon loved him like that, but Brendon is too preoccupied with a handsome, tall, blue-eyed Instagram model.

\---

Gerard introduces Ryan to a friend of his named Frank. They hit it off in the sense that they share similar interests, but not really in the romantic sense.

Frank had told him early on that Ryan shouldn't get his hopes on a potential relationship between them because he's been hung up on Gerard for the longest time.

Ryan obviously understood and sympathized. He explained his situation as well.

Now they're just like two best friends, except when Gerard's around they act like a couple. He also told Brendon about his "boyfriend" when Brendon complained again about their romantic scenes.

Brendon had only told him congratulations, though it sounded sarcastic.

Ryan's feelings haven't changed. At all. In fact, it could be argued that they have grown stronger.

\---

After another practice, the two are backstage. Brendon's texting on his phone and Ryan is watching him. When Brendon's phone dings, he smiles as he types his response back.

Ryan's stomach twists. "Texting the giraffe?" he teases.

Brendon just keeps typing away. "Mhm," he hums.

"What if he had my role?" Ryan asks suddenly. "Would you enjoy the play then?"

Brendon snorts. "Dallon can't act for shit," he says. "So, it would be a terrible play. Better with you, although I hate to admit it."

Ryan smiled. "Aw, what a compliment."

Brendon didn't acknowledge it. He packed up his things. "See you later, fuckwad."

"Bye, forehead," Ryan retorted.

Believe it or not, that was one of their nicest exchanges.

Maybe Brendon was starting to soften and feel less hostile about Ryan. But Ryan knew he shouldn't get his hopes up.

Being nice doesn't mean he likes Ryan at all. But maybe that means Ryan doesn't have to try to make Brendon think he hates him. Maybe he could at least try to be friends with the guy, even though it would be torture to only be his friend.

\---

Opening night. A night that filled Ryan with nerves and scared him. But he is prepared for it because it marks a new chapter.

It is the time right before he gets over Brendon because soon they will be done with this production. He doesn't have to go through the torture of having the only person he's ever loved so far away but right there at the same time.

He wasn't really nervous about the performance itself. They had been practicing for months, and that really payed off towards his confidence.

Of course, he felt the need to impress, but that was normal. Especially with people he was close with in the audience.

The play begins. Ryan puts his all into his scenes and the audience laps it up. If Ryan hadn't been tortured, he would've been able to appreciate the play wholeheartedly.

Then the scene comes, the one with the most intimacy between the two leads.

His heart thuds in his chest like a drum. "Love is not a choice," he hears himself say. "We deserve to be happy together."

Then they're kissing, just like they practiced. His hands are gripping Brendon's shoulders tightly enough that it probably causes him pain, and Brendon's gently grabbing his face, and it feels different.

They have practiced the kiss a million times and added their own touches, but the thing is, this feels real. The way Brendon's body presses up against his feels real, and the moan that's fighting it's way out of his throat feels real.

His body tingles with want, but their lips part. Ryan wants to kiss him again and again, just like the way they just did.

He wonders if Brendon would let him do that if the play wasn't going on. Did Brendon feel like it was real, or was it just him and his stupid feelings getting in the way?

Ryan doesn't have much time to ponder this before he has to continue with the next scene.

The final scene hurts him more. Their two characters ran away from home to be with each other, and the last scene shows them in their new home in a town where nobody knows them.

"Do you think this'll be forever?" Brendon asks, eyes fixated on the sky above them.

"I don't know," he says. "But I wish it could. It will always be in my heart."

Brendon turns to look at him. "No matter what happens to us," Brendon says lowly, voice passionate. "You will always be in my heart."

His lips curl up into a smile and Brendon's follow suit. They kiss with passion and the hopes for a future they've been waiting for their whole lives.

Ryan feels like his heart is going to burst because he feels just like his character does.

The scene ends along with the play. All the actors come out on stage and bow while the audience claps for them. The noise fills through the room loudly.

It is over. The first night is over. But if every show turns out to have kisses just like tonight, Ryan is sure he is going to collapse to the ground and die of a heart attack.

Frank comes up to him and congratulates him, but quickly leaves after he spots Gerard and his boyfriend making their way over to him. Ryan feels bad for him.

"Dude, you were great out there," Gerard complimented. Patrick nodded and smiled.

"Thanks," Ryan said sheepishly.

Gerard cleared his throat. "I forgot you two haven't really met." He gestures to the boy holding his hand, "This is Patrick. Patrick, this is Ryan."

"It's nice to meet you," Patrick beamed. "Gerard talks about you all the time."

Ryan smirks, noticing that Gerard's face has flushed red. "Does he?"

Catching on, Patrick laughs. "Yep. Good job out there, by the way. The play was wonderful."

Ryan smiled. "Thanks." He feels like Patrick really is a great guy.

"Done embarrassing me, 'Trick?" Gerard asks, but his voice is still so fond and Ryan can tell how in love he is.

Patrick kisses his cheek. "You love it, Gee."

And Ryan can tell how in love Patrick is.

Gerard smiles, before his face falls. He clears his throat. "Looks like the Instagram model's here, Ryan."

Ryan follows his gaze and feels his heart hurt. Brendon looks so happy to see him. He looks like he did in the play. Lovestruck, infatuated, devoted. All to the Instagram model that Ryan never bothered to remember the name of.

What really puts the nail in Ryan's coffin is Brendon leaning up to kiss him, standing up on his tiptoes. He feels like a peeping tom watching such an intimate moment. He feels jealousy clawing it's way into his stomach, demanding to be felt.

The model's hands grab Brendon's hips, and Brendon's hand is tangled in his hair. Ryan's heart hurts. It sinks to the ground. Feelings fucking suck.

He blinks back tears.

"Just look away," Patrick tells him, frowning. Ryan's pretty sure Gerard never told him about how Ryan feels about the other lead, so he must be pretty obvious.

Ryan turns his head back to look at them. "God, I'm so stupid," he muttered.

"You're not stupid," Patrick tells him. "Just human."

"But I still held hope in my heart," Ryan sobs quietly, tears rolling down his face. "Even tonight. The kiss scenes. I thought they felt real."

"Ryan," Patrick begins. "You're not stupid for having feelings, okay? Things will get better if you let them. Do you want to be over him?"

Ryan thinks about it. Thinks about the good moments. When he's with Brendon and he's not reminded of his model boyfriend, he feels like he's soaring. Whenever they kiss, Ryan's heart swims in an ocean of love and happiness.

But then it always sinks. Brendon's never there for him. He lets him sink. It's painful. It's a physical pain in his chest. He wants it to stop happening. Wants to fall for someone who will keep him afloat, not let him sink.

"I do," he admits. "It hurts."

"You have to let yourself get over him," Gerard chimes in. "Let yourself fall for someone else. I know you and Frank aren't really together."

Ryan wipes his eyes and sniffles. "I think you have to tell Frank that too," he replies, thinking of how Frank still only thought about being with Gerard.

"I know," Gerard sighs.

Ryan's eyes snap towards him. "You know?" he asks, surprise in his voice.

Gerard nods, and his eyes look sad. "He told me a long time ago. I thought he was joking. I can tell now that he wasn't, and still isn't."

"And you keep pushing him onto other people," Ryan thinks aloud. "God," he shakes his head.

He turns to Patrick. "You're really good at comforting people. Thanks."

Patrick smiles sadly at him. "No problem. I've had a lot of practice."

Ryan's about to ask what he means but Gerard answers before he can form the words. "His friend Pete is a mess a lot of the time," he explains.

"I wouldn't say he's a mess, per say," Patrick shrugs. "Just an emotional guy."

Emotional, just like Ryan. He turns to see if Brendon and the Instagram model are still there. They are, but they're just talking now with big smiles on their faces.

It hurts to see him happy with someone else.

"Can we get away from here?" Ryan whispers weakly, turning back to them.

"Of course," Gerard answers.

"I know a good Chinese restaurant." Patrick says. When they look at him weirdly, he adds, "I don't know about you guys, but I'm hungry."

Gerard laughs. "Me too. Ryan?"

He's not really hungry. His appetite is kind of ruined.

"Sounds good," he decides.

The three of them walk out of the theatre and make their way to the Chinese restaurant. Ryan's in the middle between them, and they're all holding each other's hands and swinging them as they walk.

One day, Ryan will find true love. Though it seems far from now, he knows his heart will stop hurting.

For now though, he'll settle with having love and support from close friends. And Chinese food, cause his appetite is starting to come back and that sounds good right about now.


End file.
